I long for things, as you probably do too. My strength tends to run out quicker then I like to admit. And I suppose thats the point, right? My best efforts can not accomplish what only God can do.
I want His strength in exhaustion.
His wisdom in chaos.
His goodness in sorrow.
His compassion when I fall short.
His grace in fear.
No matter how much I want it, I don’t need strength and wisdom and compassion. But I desperately need the God who IS strength and wisdom and compassion to be who He is. In me. In my weakness. In my, sometimes, overwhelming lack.
I can’t turn water into wine. But, I can bring the jars of water to Him.
I can’t accomplish much. But, I can create space for Jesus to do what only He can do.
I have to die to myself, over and over. Through that I, by faith, ask Him to live through me and give up the idea that I can do things in my own strength.
If I die to myself, His mind can think through me, His love can love through me, His strength can work through me, his voice can speak through me, His life can live through me, His prayers can be voiced through me.
By the way, this doesn’t come easily to someone like me. I tend to do things in my own strength first. I am fiercely independent and try to do everything. But, I am re-learning to create space, which looks different in this new phase of life. It often translates into creating intentional space in my calendar. In my day. In the small moments. In my routines. In my daily rhythms. I looks like rest. In realizing that I don’t need to do it all and allow God to do His thing. To allow myself to be a work in progress.