Single life is not necessarily harder, but it is definetly not easier. 

***This post is inspired by some people who have said some
crazy things to me over the last couple months. ***

“You life is so much easier then ours because you don’t have to deal with a family”

“If i was single, I would probably just kill myself because life wouldn’t be worth living”

“You know the longer you stay in Mexico, the longer you be all alone”

“Do you feel that because you are alone and no kids that God has forgot about you?”

“When you love God with your whole heart, thats when He will give you what you need”

“If you are making an impact now, wait until your married!”

“Do you feel as though you have no voice because a man isn’t around to stand up for you?”


First of all, I do not think that they really meant it the way it sounded nor did they mean to hurt me.
Secondly, I probably could have reacted better (internally).
Third, of course, I have thought of most of those things before… (except for the suicide thought)… I am human and sinful.

Most of the time, I am content and happy being in the place that God has me. And I do not believe that that being content and happy has nothing to do with single or married. But it has everything to do with my relationship with God.

However, I know how easy it is for singles to feel “less than” in this world. I know that the word “single” is thrown around on the mission field almost like it is a handicap.

So for all my friends (married or single) who need to hear this….

Single life is not necessarily harder, but it is definetly not easier. 

For example:

  • I do not have to worry about cooking three meals a day for my husband or my family. But no one is there to celebrate with me when I nail a new recipe from ingredients that I never had to use in the states.
  • I don’t have to deal with packing and traveling with others…. but I don’t have someone to watch my carry-on when I go to the bathroom in the airport.
  • I don’t have to worry about others depending on me at home (except my doggies), and sometimes I can have more flexibility and time to do things. But I also don’t have someone to come home to and have a link to the familiar when I need it most.
  • I don’t have kids and a husband to clean up after. But, I also have to deal with the house, finances, communicating with supporters and ministry without help.

So it is definetly not easier… but its not harder either. Everyone has the hand that God has given them and every hand has its unique challenges. And keeping that in mind is a step in bearing one another burdens in a way that puts God’s love and grace on display.

Switching topics a little.

A couple weeks ago when I was struggling with feeling “less than” I was reading in Genesis. A chapter I have read probably 100 times… but this time I thought about it in a different way.

Genesis 22:14 So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On that mountain of The Lord it will be provided”.

What does it mean to walk up the mountain with the knife and the firewood like Abraham did, and put that dream on the altar of sacrifice? I am not sure if God will provide a husband for me. However, He showed Himself to be Jehovah Jirah, God the provider, to Abraham, but also for me. He has provided me with things I have never expected.

Have you ever had to surrender something? It is hard to surrender. But that is where I am, surrendering… this worldly expectation. If I don’t, I fear it will consume me, eat away at my heart, or become a stony idol. Some days I’m there, releasing all that is in me to the safe hands of the Father, and other days I cling hard and refuse to open my hands and let go. No matter what, I want to embrace this life that God has for me. I want to live it, not waiting for something that may never come, but looking expectantly to the God who WILL provide, no matter what it is He is providing.

Everyone has this thing in their life that they have to surrender, it is not just something that singles deal with. Everyone has a dream that they thought would happen or think will happen that they need to put on the alter and leave it in the hands of the Provider.

2 thoughts on “Single life is not necessarily harder, but it is definetly not easier. 

  1. Tina…well written. You have the answer and I KNOW this cannot be easy. You are tremendously gifted and God is using you in great ways. My prayer is that your heart will be filled, too, in those lonely moments when it feels like no one cares..except the doggies of course. I care. God´s hug for you, sweet friend. Beth


  2. Thanks for writing these thoughts down. As I struggled with the issue of singleness, God brought me to this very passage that you mentioned and I knew in my heart He was calling me to trust Him. It was taking that step of releasing that dream to Him that opened the door to another dream that I had long held in my heart of teaching Missionary kids. It’s many years later and I am still single but I can honestly say that God has brought me contentment and the ability to rejoice with my friends for whom God has provided a mate. I’m incredibly thankful for that and for the “family” that He provides through friends who have taken me in and made me a part of their family on the mission field. I pray that as you wait on Him, God will provide contentment and the embrace of a family (which may look completely different than you ever expected) and may He continue to give you the grace to believe the best about people when their well intentioned comments actually cause great pain!


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